It’s with a heavy heart that I am writing this post.

It was 6am in the morning of March 1st, 2017 when I heard the news that Ba-chan had passed away. She was 98 years old.

For the past month she was living at the Coming Home Hospice after a significant fall led to her needing 24/7 assistance. During this time my dad stayed by her side everyday, and I visited her almost everyday as much as possible. The last few days were the hardest for me, as I slowly watched her body deteriorate. Despite the circumstances, I knew that there wasn’t anything to keep me from visiting her.

If there is a comfort to this, it would be that she knew all 4 of her brothers came together on her final day to reunite for the first time in over 30 years. I can only imagine all the things that they talked about in her presence, and that she was smiling and finally at peace knowing that her family was back together after all these years.

Seeing ba-chan in her coffin was one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in a long long time.

I planned to read a letter that I wrote, but at the viewing the words just wouldn’t come out. To this day, I still get teary-eyed whenever I read the words, as it brings up a lifetime of happy memories that I will always cherish.

The following is the letter that I wrote and placed in the coffin by her side:

Dear ba-chan,

As far back as I can remember, you have always been a significant part of my life. There are so many ways that you have made me happy, and for that, I will be forever grateful.

I’m happy that you always took care of my brother and I when mom passed away,

I’m happy that you used to rub my head when I didn’t feel well,

I’m happy that you watched me after grade school each day while dad was at work,

I’m happy that you always cooked meals for us without ever needing to ask,

I’m happy that you loved to share stories of your childhood, and life growing up in Japan,

I’m happy that you loved baseball, and always talked about how the Giants were doing this season,

I’m happy that you always took the time to prepare oshogatsu meals at your home,

I’m happy that you walked down the aisle with dad at my wedding,

I’m happy that you got to watch Daren and Jordan grow up these past few years,

I’m happy that you helped give them their Japanese names (Akira and Hiro), and that is something that they will always carry with them,

I’m happy that you always cared about how I was doing at work, and that it pushed me to always do better so that you didn’t have to worry,

and, I’m happy that in your final moments, all of your sons came together and were by your side as you moved on to a better place.

Ba-chan, you’ve lived a long and wonderful life, and there are so many things you should be happy of.

I hope that I’ve made you happy all of these years too, and I hope to see you again someday.

love,

Dean-chan